Do vagina's smell?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
