So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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