I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
