omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
