So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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