FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
