yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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