I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why do cheetos always look like penises
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
