Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
