I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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