There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
