Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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