you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
