I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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