the day after is always just damage control
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
