So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
