I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
