I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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