yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
