Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
