He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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