So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i out mim tonsoeep
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
