he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
