Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
