She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
