and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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