it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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