best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
