I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
