Already got asked if we're dating
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
