went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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