all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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