I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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