Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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