I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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