Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
