JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
