I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
