May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
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He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dicks are not precious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize