how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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