The maid of honor just puked.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
