Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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