I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
