I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
