Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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