I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
