i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
