Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
