My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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