My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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