I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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