so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
