Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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