why didn't you poke me back
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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