jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
