Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
