I'm pants shitting drunk right now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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