woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
