Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
