You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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