I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
