im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
