Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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