Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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