"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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