if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
third nipple confirmed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
