On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
