So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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