so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
