he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want her autograph on my taint
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
