Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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