i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
