Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
