margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
