but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
