it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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