Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
