I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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