Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
