why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
