i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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