i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
