Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
