Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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