good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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